Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
