??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
