so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
a search helicopter?!
it's like heaven, but drunker
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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