are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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