ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
