Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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