i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
