i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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