If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
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I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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