its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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