And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
