hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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