During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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