My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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