I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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