I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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