The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Every concussion has its silver lining
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
