Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and you said cock pushups were impossible
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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