I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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