So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
