Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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