today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
