I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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