I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
