Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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