I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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