And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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