just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
