Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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