He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just invented taco cereal.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
