is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
