don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
