I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
