I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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