Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
