im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
