we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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