My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
