she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
