Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
