omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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