i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
