I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
