a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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