im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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