Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
