just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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