nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
time to smoke my breakfast
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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