how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
