So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I AM VODKA MAN
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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