I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have post one night stand depression
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