love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
