so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
