"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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