you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
