took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
