it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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