Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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