I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
