After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
so much tequila, so little girl.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
