1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If that was your dad, he is hot
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
