Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
