I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How does one acquire holy water?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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