I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
