i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
