He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
