last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
