she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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