Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
