I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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