There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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