My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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