dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
