what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize