Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
