He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
