A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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