Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
