It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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